Curb Your Kvetch parking lots for the short and sour
Welcome! If you’re like me, sometimes something in Israel riles you. If we were activists, we would do something to right the wrong, change the wording, protest the incompetence. But as people prone to kvetching, we just get it off our chests.
At www.Curb Your Kvetch you can park your kvetch in a safe lot.
Submission Guidelines: Email your 250-word kvetch in the body of an email to administrator@CurbYourKvetch.com Anything over 250 words (including title) will be deleted unread. In the Subject line of your email, designate one of the following parking lots for your kvetch: Business, Education, Entertainment, Environment, Governance, Religion or Relationships.
As Chief Administrator I will upload your kvetch to the appropriate lot where other kvetchers can commiserate. We at Curb Your Kvetch see both sides, or all seven, of every incident, misspelled sign, undemocratic law, insensitive doctor, racist rabbi, sexist member of Knesset or corrupt prime minister.
Rules of Conduct: CYK is not a platform for lashon hara, which, according to our sages, is akin to murder. Posts on Curb Your Kvetch do not blaspheme any named individual. Rather, your posts should point out deficiencies, incongruities, incompetencies and stupidities. We prefer writing to killing.
What is a kvetch? A kvetch is a complainer and/or the complaint. A kvetch has more to do with the kvetcher than the kvetched or kvetchee. It cannot be used as evidence in legal proceedings. You cannot lose your citizenship due to a kvetch. Kvetch derives from the Yiddish kvetshn, which means to gripe or mutter, as the Israelites did in the Sinai during the forty-year trek. We are continuing this ancient tradition. Antonym: praise, celebrate
Why Curb Your Kvetch? I live with a noble man who hates complaining. His motto is, Don’t complain unless you plan to change the situation. For ten years I have been trying to curb my kvetch. Enough! No more. I now open the gates to legitimize kvetching for those who are not going to change the world.
Do you have to be short to submit? No. Only the submission must be short.
Do you have to be sour to submit? No. Only the submission has to express a passing or chronic sour thought.
Do you pay? No. Your reward will be in freeing yourself to go on to kvetch about other things.
Can people who don’t live in Israel submit? Yes, but the object of the kvetch must be Israel.
Can anyone comment on the kvetch: Yes, but the Rules of Conduct (see above) must be followed or the Chief Administrator will delete your comment, affording you something else about which to kvetch.
Do you have to sign your real name? Yes. No fake names.
Ideas for how to begin a post:
Start with an I statement, i.e. I can’t stand greasy shwarma . . .
Start with a question, i.e. Have you ever seen the stupid sign on Highway One that directs you to the airport?
Start with something positive, i.e. I love Tel Aviv, but . . .
Start with a fact, i.e. Horns are made for honking . . .
Start with history, i.e. During the Middle Ages a tradition grew up that King David was buried on Mount Zion.
Start with description, dialogue or setting. Be creative, but don’t make up the facts and don’t fabricate your kvetch. CYK only accepts real life gripes that can be corroborated.
At the beginning of this new year, the whole staff at Curb Your Kvetch wishes you a sweet and sour year of kvetching. If, during the coming months, you find yourself losing your spouse, friends, neighbors, country . . . , know you will always find an enormous parking lot here at www.CurbYourKvetch.
Chief Administrator, Curb Your Kvetch
(Ooof. This is not what I meant at all…)